I can stare at a wall better than you .

Well it’s been a minute since I sat down to write something. A lot has happened in a few short months , but looking back across my life a lot has always happened -I need to get used to the fact that somehow a lot always happens has happened and always will happen. Well until I throw a seven and I’m not here to talk about that moment in this blog. 

So what is it now.

I was having a conversation recently with another yoga teacher – I do have friends that aren’t yoga teachers by the way – in fact most of my friends don’t do yoga and still think it’s a bit weird – and that I’m a bit weird too – in fact lets just go on one of my Adhd trips right now. So a mate of mine that I’ve know from school , he doesn’t do yoga he fixes my car – he’s a mechanic ! Anyway he’s a little off beat like me – and well I’ve always thought of him as being a little crazy , in a good way. Anyway we were having this text message thing – about cars #obvs and he ends the message by calling me a mad man. And I’m like excuse me, your the mad one in this friendship to which he texts back ‘I’m vauxhall conference league mad , compared to your premiership level mad’ which stopped me in my tracks. Here’s me thinking I’m just the right side of normal and one of me mates ( who in my mind is just the other side of normal) calling me premiership level mad. HHmm well maybe it’s time to embrace it. 

So back on point .. I’m having this conversation with this yoga teacher and the topic of Yoga as a Sadhana (spiritual practice) comes up. Now I don’t think of myself as being spiritual in any way , I never use the word as it makes me feel a little uneasy – uneasy as I connect the word spiritual with  the ‘woo woo’ ie crystals flower essences and dream catchers . Hold on – just had a what’s app message from me mate Chandler – it’s a Spotify link to someone chanting the Islamic Call to Prayer and now I’m listening to it and it’s beautiful and I’m gonna have to revise my opinions on spiritual as this is what it feels like sounds like – without having to put it into words. Words are pretty useless anyway , and well you’ve got to say something right ? Well maybe I don’t ,who wants to read the useless drivel that comes from my weird / premiership level mad brain into my fingers onto the laptop via buttons?

Right so yoga as a spiritual practice , discuss. 

Ive just seen online – on da ‘gram of course, an advert for a 7 day yoga teacher training. Yoga teacher training in 7 days. Seven. Now I know there’s this idea of God creating the world in 7 days but ya know I think she/he/it had their marketing team on that one and it’s the best they could come up with to sell it to the morons who believe any ol’ shit.

I tell you what is definitely not a Sadhana , racing your shit car up and down the strip next to the beach in Ramsgate where me van is. Dickheads, I’m trying to concentrate here. This could be the blog that blows up and catapults me to maybe a D or if I’m dead lucky a category C level yoga teacher come spiritualist writer or sumfink. 

So now you can become a yoga teacher in a week – ok. I didn’t click into the ad link , didn’t want my insta algorithm being clogged up with (more) utter nonsense , and maybe there was more to it than the 7 day training. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was just a week’s worth before you got the all important certificate so you can get insurance. Why can literally everything be traced back to another insurance scam. Why do all my sentences start at some place and then go off on a tangent and never really get back on track. Almost always. I’m gonna try and make this one work.

So Yoga as a Sadhana – who’d a thunk it? Not the nitwits hawking the live the yoga dream in 7 days. I’ve talked (well written) to death on the reasons I got into yoga. There was never some big dream to become a yoga teacher , ok soundbite , you ready , and this feels a bit like when Spiderman has to repeat his evolution story over and over again. SO lets do this one more time, I was young , I went out and partied , took ecstasy , blew my mind out – developed a fucking a god awful mental disorder called depersonalisation ( google ) (in fact don’t google – go buy my book its all in there what depersonalisation is ) (and all profits go to Operation Shanti) (and it’s 5 quid you cheap bastard ). Right where was I ? Ok yadder yadder yadder , depersonalisation mixed with a rather healthy dose of childhood trauma and kerboom the magic ingredients for a healthy mental breakdown. Rehab involved a million psychotherapists psychiatrists anti this anti that meds and NOTHING worked but Ashtanga did , well it certainly helped. And after a bit of trial and error I stumbled head(stand) first into teaching.And here we are 25 years later. So what has all that jumping, huffing and puffing through sun salutations and the rest on a rectangular piece of fabric done for me? And what it has done / did do / still does do / and hopefully always will do , could that be construed as a Sadhana . I guess you’d have to figure out what exactly is a spiritual practice, cuz I don’t really know what spiritual practice is. I know Ashtanga Yoga makes me feel good when I’ve done it , when I feel good I’m a better person to myself and to others – if that’s spiritual then yes I agree Ashtanga Yoga is a Sadhana for me. I don’t think we need to get the fecking tarot cards out to think of something as spiritual practice – well unless tarot cards are your jam.

Ok  think thats enough words for this blog. It’s taken me 2 or 3 times to finish it off. And it still reads like ramblings of a crazy person , maybe me mate was right. Shit. Well ok . I’m here for it. And after last night I think I’m gonna up my game in the mad stakes as now I’m probably Champions League Winners level mad ; ) .

Ps Shit I completely forgot to add in the reason for the title. And well I think I’m gonna do what they did in the latest Spiderverse movie ‘ To Be Continued’  #bastards.